Every day, escorts like myself, receive telephone calls, emails and texts with mind boggling questions. Sending a text message with "Hi" isn't going to grab my attention because I immediately know that this conversation isn't going anywhere. An email like "Your picture gets mine" doesn't grab me either because I am not particularly interested in seeing your picture. You can come along to my house anyway, regardless of your looks, disability or health. I don't need to know what you look like.
Here are a few recent examples that have been emailed, text and discussed over the phone or face to face in just the last few weeks or so, showing just how difficult these questions are to answer.
"How Far Will You Travel"
This little gem is open ended. I don't know if you're emailing from Dusseldorf or Durham or if I am expected to drive there, get a train or jog along to the airport It would be much easier if you could just email and say "Steve, I live in York, do you travel this far". It's so simple and ensures a quick, reliable and honest response.
My initial reaction is to text back with "Bye". It rhymes and its equally as short. I have on occasion text back with "Bye", usually to guys who are prolific texters or have timewasted me in the past. The younger the texter is, the more they see text messaging as more of an instant chat tool. I am not here for instant chat. Please, say more than "Hi", just something like "Are you working today" is much nicer and more helpful.
Feeling ignored, well...... send me a line of question marks whilst I am in an appointment and not texting you back or emailing you back on demand and it will most definitely ensure that you will be ignored, full stop. If you booked an appointment with me, would you like it if I spent half of the appointment time, you're paying for, texting other men. No...... so when I am entertaining and busy with other gentlemen, I won't be replying to you either. If I don't reply instantly on demand within a millisecond it's because I am busy. I will reply as soon as is practically possible. Sending a line of question marks just gets mine and other escorts' backs up, just please..... don't do it.
"How Big Is Your Cock"
Oh how I love this one. I can never ever ever ever ever give the correct answer. If I give it in inches and girth, it's too big, too small, too whatever. If I say above average, it's too big, too small or too whatever. This is a question that gay escorts can't win. Often he will turn around and say "Oh I was wanting someone about 10 inches". Aye.... don't we all.
"Are You Good Looking"
Well I wasn't hit by the ugly stick and beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I am good looking to some people and not good looking to others, so although I think I am very good for my age, with no lines, moles, wrinkles, spots or blemishes, I may not appeal to certain types of gentlemen. I am the perfect escort for men over 40 but if you're 22 and not into older guys, I am unlikely to be good looking to you.
"Been Busy Today"
I am usually asked this one, as he walks in the door. I've tried the "You're the ninth today" approach (no honestly I've never done nine men in a day) and that doesn't go down well. I've tried the "Oh it's quiet and you're my first" at 9pm approach and they don't believe me so I just say "I've ticked along nicely today". That seems to agree with most guys. They don't feel like they've been in a queuing system and they don't feel like I am lying about being the first of the day, just before the witching hour. I've tried the "Well I've had a few in today" and you get the reply of "Shit, do you think the neighbours noticed another coming in", so I just keep my response to this question, nice and open ended. I realise that this question is just pleasant chit chat and making conversation but you still have to careful how you respond to it.
"If You See Me In The Street......"
No I won't say hello (unless you say hello first) or identify you to friends or introduce myself to your wife. Nor will I phone you, text you or email you. You've nothing to worry about in that department. I know other escorts arn't as discreet and I know of guys who have had distinct problems with escorts, months after an appointment, touting for trade or asking to borrow money but I can assure you... good respectful escorts will never contact you after an appointment. That is the mark of a discreet, reliable and trustworthy person.
"Do You Fancy Going For A Drink Sometime"
Hey, if you fancy taking me for a drink or dinner sometime that's fine with me but make it as part of an appointment. I may not necessarily charge for the time spent taking me for the drink or dinner, depending on how much private time you want to book afterwards, but I don't see guys off the clock. It's an awkward one to answer because when this question is put to you, you don't always know if it means just a general drink sometime or if it means drinks and appointment. If you want to see me 9pm-11pm for 2 hours but fancy a beer in the hotel bar beforehand and provided I am not busy, I am happy to come along at 8pm for a drink first but I wouldn't toddle down to your hotel at 8pm just for a free drink and chitty chat.
"Next Time I Visit Can I Bring Another Escort Along"
Some escorts are cool with this, me.... I am not. I like my privacy. I have a nice apartment in a nice part of town and if you want to bring another escort along, they will also discover where I live and work from. They might be lovely, genuine, trustworthy and all the rest but I require privacy and although the clients all know where I live, I am not comfortable with other escorts knowing where I live. I have real difficulty answering this one honestly without sounding like a twat. It's not that I don't want to fulfill this need you have but, you have to remember, it's my home and most clients don't want an escort in their own home so why do they think I would.
So next time you're on the phone to an escort, texting or emailing an escort or making small talk during an appointment, please realise that there are some stupid things you can ask that can be difficult to answer or that make it more difficult to answer and therefore a little bit tact, intelligence and discretion go a long way.