The Ten Commandments To Booking An Escort

30th July 2011

My blog isn't just to read about my exploits, I like to use it to let everyone know both sides of working.  Today I touch on the ten basic rules to ensure you have a happy appointment.

An escort will be freshly showered or bathed, immaculately clean inside and out, so turning up with a pissy dick and skid marks doesn't really show you've made an effort to be equally as clean.  It isn't an escorts' job to put up with those standards but most of us unfortunately have to.  When guys turn up like this and tell me they have a shit sex life at home, I know the reason why !

An hour is an hour, it's not an hour and fifteen minutes or an hour and a half and the clock doesn't start once you've had an shower, chit chat or drink at the bar.  A solicitor will charge you from the moment you arrive, not after you'd told the story.  Would you give your own clients time off the clock before you charge them ?

Most escorts ask for the money up front, if they don't it's because they trust you, don't take advantage of that by offering less at the end.  You may not get another visit.

We can be well paid but we don't all have helicopters. You can't expect us to be at your hotel in 20 minutes time.  I need 20 minutes notice for an incall never mind an outcall.  As a general rule, if the travel time is approximately 30 mins then double it as a lead time for arrival.  We all like to look good for our clients and you'd all complain if we weren't.  We have to get ready, jump in the car, fight our way through traffic and find your place.  Be sensible on outcalls.  If it's more than an hour away and you only want an hour, consider that it's a 4 hour turn around for us so if we say no, please respect our decision.  4 hours out of our day for a 1 hour appointment is a lot to ask.

If you phone and go to voicemail, don't repeatedly ring or text.  We may be “otherwise engaged” and you'd not be best pleased if we took calls from clients during your appointment.  Just leave a message or send a text and we'll get back to you as soon as we can.

If you want bareback and tell us you're completely safe, it will fall on deaf ears, how do you know that the escort is safe because if they're willing to do bareback with you, who else are they doing bareback with ?

If you're early, ring, if you're going to be late, ring.  Escorts tend to run to schedule. Being early without notice is worse than being late, have you often wondered why we don't answer the door when you're early and you have to resort to phoning us.  You could be the gas man, Kleeneze or someone selling books for Africa, we don't want to answer the door to those people when we're trying to get ready for you because we don't want them loitering at the door.

If you book an incall with an escort at his/her own home, remember that if the house phone goes, someone knocks at the door it's not their fault.  Their friends and neighbours don't usually know what they are doing and so they're not to blame when it happens.  I once had a guy leave because someone was repeatedly ringing my door bell.  When he left it was a kid whose ball had gone over my back garden wall.  I wanted to ignore it and he wasn't best pleased.  These things happen. Not often but they do happen.

It's not unreasonable to want a contact number displayed when calling us.  Withheld numbers get you nowhere, none of us like speaking to guys on withheld because it screams “something to hide” to us.  I will answer withheld but you'll just get basic answers and be invited to call me from a displayed number or give me a number to call you straight back on.  Payphones are even worse.  I don't know anyone who accepts incalls from a payphone, anyone who did is a loony tune.  Payphones are dead easy to spot too.  We don't get many calls from landline numbers and when we do our hearing cranks up to ultra high frequency so we can listen for the passing cars.

Finally........ Smoking.    I am not a smoker and so it's unfair to expect to smoke in my apartment.  Guys do though.  My apartment has a courtyard garden and I welcome all smokers to have their cigarette in the garden and freshen up with mouthwash and a quick wash afterwards.  It's horrible for a non smoker to be passionate with a smoker, personally I just can't do it unless they freshen up.  You can smell it on their beard and fingers.  Similarly you should never expect to turn up at an escorts home to find him/her finishing one off as you arrive.  That's equally as bad, if not worse.